Don’t do it alone, even though you have to.

What follows is an article about doing ANYTHING. I’ll use business as an example often, but this can apply to anything that matters to you.

What I have to say is often opinion stated as fact. And that’s a fact. But in my opinion, that’s not enough to write it all off. It doesn’t mean it’s not useful when applied in the right situations. This week’s piece is about getting big, important stuff done. It’s about forming a decent team, to help you along the way. I hope it helps.

-Don’t do it alone!

There are things I like to do alone. Making art, cooking a meal, or building a business, I feel most comfortable if I’m in control. Maybe I subconsciously believe I’ll get more credit, or a surprise party or something, if I do it solo.

I’ve started eight businesses. Everyone’s got hobbies, and I’ll admit this is one of mine. I’ve dealt in skateboards, jewelry, clothing, photography, video editing, and guitars. So far, seven of these operations have failed. That’s an 87.5% failure rate!

Most of the failed endeavors had something in common: I went alone, without any outside input. No consulting with those who’d already accomplished what I’d set out to do. No one at the same level to strategize with. I didn’t even ask my tiny pool of supporters what they thought, or how I could do better. I often went alone, worked alone, suffered alone, and watched things burn down. Alone.

Let’s talk about some stuff I’ve learned so far. This stuff would’ve been helpful in my 20s!

-You need a team to get important things accomplished.

Frodo needed the fellowship.

Batman needed Alfred.

Littlefoot needed Ducky.

You can’t do cool shit without a team. That being said, you’ll still need to do the work. No one can take that from you, and you can’t give it away. It’s your thing. 

With more minds aimed at the problem, everything gets easier. More ideas mean more possibilities. More experience means fewer predictable pitfalls. More opinions provide more data. All of this helps reduce the distance between your desire and fulfillment.

-Your team needs coaches (above your level), teammates (at your level), and fans (customers, supporters, grandma, etc).

Coaches are mentors. They’ve already done what you’re setting out to do. They make the journey make sense. They give you context. They help you zoom out, interpret data, and stay the course.

When setting out on a road trip, you check a map or an app to know where you’re going. You get directions from a reliable source. If you’re trying to build something, whether it’s a business, a community event, or a new skill, you’ll progress faster with guidance from those who’ve already accomplished the thing. Find good coaches, and you’ll have a map.

Teammates are your friends and contemporaries. Keep your eyes open, ‘cause you’ll meet them along the way. They’re at your same level in the game. They’re easy to contact, and quick to respond. You can bounce ideas off your friends and get less judgment. You’ll have a lot of similar struggles and wins.

During a hard time, (good) friends will listen to your plight. During good times, (good) friends will cheer for you. It’s good to know you’re not alone, and you don’t have to be.

Grandma’s great. She loves everything you do. Your happiest customer, if you’re a business, is your loudest cheerleader. Supporters are the most effective mouthpiece you’ll ever have access to. All these fans are here for you. They believe in you, even when you don’t. And sometimes, you won’t. Maybe even a lot of the time (going from personal experience here). 

Fans occur organically.

You can’t force them.

They just show up.

…If you’re doing the thing.

-Recruit coaches appropriately, not in a needy or manipulative way.

A valuable mentor/coach is probably busy. Remember, they’re doing the important things you hope to do: serving the community, promoting the cause, furthering the art, working in the trade. They’re laser focused on what matters most to them.

You’ve got to reach out, but both the timing and the tactics are critical. This is easy to mess up. It’s not that your desired coach is a moody jerk. It’s that most people aren’t comfortable with being randomly interrupted by a stranger. It’s disrespectful to assume otherwise. 

When reaching out to someone you’d like as a coach, be considerate and intentional. Don’t expect a response at all. They’re immersed in something they care about. You would be too, if you were in that position. 

Think about what you would need in the ideal future, where you are like that person. Give them that. Send an article related to their work. Send information about an event they’d like. Introduce them to someone that would be a good fit (make sure they don’t already know each other or you’ll be in for a weird intro!).

There are many ways to go about this, but the main guidelines are:

Be thoughtful.

Be honest.

Be helpful. 

Don’t be demanding or intrusive. Don’t guilt trip. Don’t manipulate. Of course, you’d never be any of those things. You’re better than that.

***Important: you can reach out more than once, but becoming an annoyance will ruin your shot. Fast.***

Bonus round: In my experience, just starting on the path is enough to run into a mentor/coach. If you’re giving it an honest effort, and pressing on, you’ll meet helpful people organically. Start fly fishing, learn all you can, and it’ll start to become who you are. You’ll end up in the places fly fishing enthusiasts hang out. You’ll end up talking about it during social interactions. At some point, you’ll meet a helpful badass and get some tips. You might get invited to the river and learn the technique that’s been escaping you all along.

But,

for this to work,

you have to start!

-Don’t throw the work on the team’s shoulders. These people are counselors. Not laborers.

It’s important to keep some boundaries with all three components of your team. Ask for guidance, feedback, or support.

Don’t ask for labor.

Don’t ask for money.

Don’t ask for anything weird.

People are happy to help, if they believe in you and your cause.

But it’s your cause.

It’s your goal.

It’s your art.

You’ve gotta do the work. You’ve gotta learn. You’ve gotta help people.

Which ties into another tasty morsel:

-You shouldn’t do it alone, but YOU HAVE TO DO IT BY YOURSELF.

What the fuck, Nate?

Here’s what I mean: You’ve got a team to help you. But they’re not doing your thing. They’re not learning the skill. They’re not making the art. They’re not starting the cafe, or the non-profit, or the community event. That’s all you.

I once drunkenly stumbled upon an idea I thought was insightful, but now seems pretty dumb and obvious: Everyone dies alone. Even if they’re surrounded by friends and family. Even if they’re in a plane crash with a hundred other people. Each of us is going to die alone. There’s not an effective way to hand-hold through that transition from life to not-life. Every person goes through their own death, and is the only one that can go through that death.

Now that I’ve touched on that uplifting bit, let’s apply the same darkness to everything we hold dear!

No one can learn for you.

No one can paint for you.

No one can get fit for you.

No one can do anything for you, if you need to do it.

And you’ve gotta do all the stuff that matters to you. Even if you’ve got help.

So, paint! Write! Run! Dance! Write a song! Start a club! Help an underserved part of your community! Whatever the thing is, only you can do it in the way you want to do it. Go for it.

-”Experience keeps a dear school, yet Fools will learn in no other.” – Benjamin Franklin

In this quote, Bennyboi uses the word “dear” to mean tough or difficult. He’s basically saying “Shit’s hard when you do it alone. And that’s the only way an idiot does it. Smart people get help so they can get stuff done sooner.”

Or something like that. That’s how I took it anyway.

So take a hint from one of America’s favorite dead guys, and form yourself a team. I don’t know where I’d be without mine. Nowadays, I’m fortunate to have awesome mentors in guitar repair, writing, photography, business, and even some of my hobbies like cooking, fermentation, and cycling. I love each of them, and they’ve taught me invaluable lessons.

My teammates/friends in all of these endeavors are constant sources of inspiration, too. Everyone does their thing differently, and I love seeing people at my level experiment. When one of us learns, we all do. Teammates share their wins and their new insights.

I’ve gotta admit I don’t have fans in all of my favorite endeavors. I’m not good enough at most of these things to impact lives in a big way. And that’s fine. Because I’m not trying to change the world. I’m trying to be decent. 

Some questions to consider:

Is there something big you want to accomplish?

Who is on your team now?

Who’s missing?